


First Kiss

by Rakshi



Category: Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-04
Updated: 2011-12-04
Packaged: 2017-10-26 21:59:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/288363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rakshi/pseuds/Rakshi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They are in New Zealand. This is their first kiss.</p>
            </blockquote>





	First Kiss

Sean looks at him, his fingers gripping Elijah's arms. _Oh, god_ , he thinks. _He's so young!_ He hates the feelings that are crushing his chest. Hates them and loves them and knows they are never going to go away.

Elijah returns his gaze, wide-eyed. “I've never kissed a guy before.” His voice is a whisper and Sean winces involuntarily. “Thought about it, yeah, but never…” his voice drops to a whisper. “I'm scared, Sean. You know... nervous."

Sean suddenly realizes that his fingers are digging into Elijah’s arms and relaxes his grip. “Jesus, I never want to scare you, Elijah. Not ever. Please don’t be afraid. It's OK." His tone is soft… comforting, but when he continues hoarseness rasps his voice, exposing his need even to his own ears. “But, god, Lij… god, I'd love it if the first guy you ever kissed was me.”

Elijah gives him the slow smile that never fails to take his breath.

“I don’t know why it matters so much to me,” Sean says, trying to smile, “but it does.”

“That’s OK.”

“I mean – I don’t think I’m gay or anything.” He hears the defensiveness in his words and hates himself for it. _Maybe I **am** gay!_ he thinks suddenly.

“You don’t have to label it, Sean. Or not label it.” He shrugs. “I’m just nervous. No big deal. Not against it or anything.”

“You’re not?”

“No. Kinda want it actually.”

“So do I,” Sean says, his voice a husky whisper. _So much!_ he thinks in anguish. _I want it so much!_

Elijah glances at Sean, a glint of sapphire behind dark lashes, and the ache in Sean’s groin flares suddenly into full-fledged heat. _I shouldn’t do this,_ he thinks, feeling panic fill his chest. _I’ll hurt him._ Then Elijah’s eyes fasten on his own and Sean’s body trembles, the white-hot flashes of desire interspersed with jolts of fear so intense that he moans.

 _I’ll lose him!_

With a jerk he releases Elijah’s arms and steps back. “No!” The word is forced from his throat, pulled from a dark and fear-riddled place within him... a place where he knows he would dwell forever if Elijah walked away.

“Sean?”

“Lij, I can’t. I – I’m sorry – I just can’t.”

Elijah nods and turns away. “OK. I guess… maybe… I mean you’re married and all so I know I’m not really someone you…”

“Elijah, I want to kiss you. There are no words for how badly I want it.

“You said…,” Elijah murmurs. He hesitates for a moment then speaks softly: “You said you wanted to be the first guy who ever kissed me.”

“I know. I do want that. But I shouldn’t. I’m afraid, Elijah.”

“I want that too, Sean. I want it to be you. Even if it’s all I ever have.”

“Lij… baby…”

“Fuck, man... I know you’re married. I love your family. It’s just a kiss. One kiss?” He leans toward Sean... “Just one? Can’t you… I mean – just once?”

“I’m afraid,” Sean repeats, but his arms are already reaching, grasping, tugging Elijah toward him. For a moment he just holds him, savoring… feeling Elijah’s chest rising and falling with each breath.

“Why afraid?” His voice is muffled against Sean’s shoulder.

“Probably afraid I’ll like it way too much to stop.”

Elijah is silent and Sean marvels for the ten thousandth time at his poise and maturity. His hand finds Elijah’s face, cupping it, lifting it… they’re mere inches apart. He can feel Elijah’s breath on his face. He can hear his own staggered breathing. “Lij?” he whispers.

“Yeah?”

“I’m afraid I’ll lose you. And I’m not sure I could bear that.”

Elijah’s hand finds the back of Sean’s neck. “Fuck, Astin, would you lighten up? It’s a kiss, not the end of the fucking world.”

The Sean feels the press of his lips before he fully realizes what’s happening. They’re soft… moist… and he is acutely aware of the shape of Elijah’s mouth.

He’s not pressing all that hard, but the brief slide of damp tongue against Sean’s lower lip sends intense jolts of desire flaming through his body. His arms convulsively tighten around the slender frame pressed so close to him and the kiss deepens, becomes something beyond experimenting… beyond questioning. Now it is a ravenous need that ten thousand kisses could never satisfy.

Then he’s gone. And Sean’s arms feel suddenly, achingly empty.

“See?” Elijah says, trying to grin, trying to pretend everything is as it was. All normal. All OK. “See?” he whispers again, then drops his eyes, his fingers playing almost idly with a fold of Sean’s sweater. “We’re OK,” he murmurs, then glances up at Sean, his glance hesitant in a way that it’s never been before. “Right? Right, Sean?”

“Right!” Sean says, putting as much bright confidence into his voice as he can manage, though his heart is still pounding and he knows Elijah can hear the tremble in his voice. “We’re fine! And hey,” he adds, reaching up to ruffle Elijah’s hair, “I got to be the first guy who kissed you! Go me!”

Elijah’s smile softens. “You did!” he affirms.

“Too bad,” Sean says, keeping his tone teasing and light. “Now anyone else you kiss will look like a loser in comparison.”

“We’re OK?” Elijah asks again.

“We’re fine, Elwood,” Sean says, smiling and wrapping his arm around Elijah’s shoulders. “Let’s head for the trailer. Pete will be sending out the Saint Bernards if we’re not back soon.”

But as they walk Sean feels a sense of almost desperate fear chill his heart. _It’s inevitable,_ he thinks. _Nothing can stop it now. Everything I’ve ever thought about myself or wanted in my life has been changed forever by this one moment. God help me. I didn’t lose him… I lost ME!_


End file.
